


Al’s Suicide

by puppyduckster



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Al’s final thoughts, Angst, Canon Compliant, Cross-Posted on Wattpad, Divergent, Gen, I wrote this back when I was like thirteen so the writing is awful, TW: Suicide, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-09-24 07:06:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20354392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/puppyduckster/pseuds/puppyduckster
Summary: Before Al takes that fateful jump off the chasm, he takes some time to reflect on the last few weeks of his life.Also posted on wattpad under aerolies.





	Al’s Suicide

**Author's Note:**

> Please note this piece was written back when I was thirteen and as such my writing has improved since then. It is also a simple one shot that is only meant to get into the thoughts of Al which was a character I felt sorry for when I first read the books.

"You coward" I can still feel those words in my head. They sting like salt in a cut and yet I know they are true. Tris, my friend the girl I had a crush on and I decided to help almost throw her off the chasm.

What type of person am I? I don't need to dwell long enough on that answer until I know: a cruel selfish type of person. Looking back at it, I realize how stupid I'd been to overreact like that.

Letting my jealousy get in the way of my friendship with Tris has damaged it permanently. It in no way can be salvaged. The minute she said those words I knew. There was no hope.

Sighing I rolled out of bed,careful not to wake anyone. All the other initiates are still sleeping, none of them know what I am about to do.

Almost automatically I walked out of the room, and just stand there for a second soaking it all in. If I go through with what I plan,I will never set eyes on this place again.

However I know I just can't do it without some sort of explanation. An explanation to the world, to myself.

I walk over to the chasm and begin to speak.

"I have done some terrible things. I have let my jealousy of being in last place of the leaderboard get in way of my friendship with Tris. I helped nearly throw her off the train, instead of stopping to get help like a real Dauntless. By doing this I have lost the ability to ever be a Dauntless. What Tris said was right, I am a coward. And, I know that my pride has been damaged as well and I will always be a coward. Nothing can change that. There is an evil inside of me that I can only defeat by defeating myself. Perhaps them in the afterlife there may be a chance of acceptance. Because I know if I stay here I will only hurt more people. I am a coward. I am not brave. I am not Dauntless. I am a monster and a selfish prideful one at that." Here I choke up a little bit. "I'm sorry for all I have done. I'm sorry for nearly killing Tris. I'm sorry. I'm just tired of existing. Tired of being me. I'm really not sure I can handle this any longer. And I know what I am about to do will hurt Tris, Will, and Christina even more but I have to. Because if I do stay I will never have a chance of being Dauntless and I might hurt them even more." 

Wiping my eyes I stared out into the chasm. Churning with water. Stepping closer to it I raise my head to the sky and for a few minutes. let the tears fall. I sob, trying to kill the animal part inside me. But, I can't. Only one thing can do that. I take a deep breath and decide to say something else.

"I'm sorry Tris, Will, Christina, Mom, and Dad for what I am about to do. I'm sorry for all I have done. I'm sorry for causing you all this pain." Then, I close my eyes and jump.

I jump into the chasm.

Jumping to death.

Jumping to a new afterlife.

Jumping to a place unknown.

Jumping to my end.

As I fall I see visions in my head.

Me with my parents.

Me playing catch with my friends.

Christina Will, Tris, and I all smiling together.

Me putting my arm around Tris.

Me laughing with Will, Christina, and Tris. 

Then I hit the ground and the last vision I see is a Will, Tris, and Christina all looking sad and angry.

I'm sorry.


End file.
